I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
