I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
