Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
