Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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