Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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