The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
