Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
