the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
