lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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