so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
