then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
he quoted the bible to break up with me
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?