i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just pee around me
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...