Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
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Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
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I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life