I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
