i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??