I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.