I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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