we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
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i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
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I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We are all done wearing pants today
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
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