All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
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just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
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I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid