Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
