WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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