My room smells like vodka and shame
Swine flu. Run for my life!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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