If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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