Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
