you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
