I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
