hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
