i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
