He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
