Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
