I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
