i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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