Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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