When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
