you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
