In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
