maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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