so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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