Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
