I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
