The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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