I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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