I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
