So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
