It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
