I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
