fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
