we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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