Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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