i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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