PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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