the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
