spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
