Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
