It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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