K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
