farters have to be the big spoon...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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