dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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