I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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