I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
