Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
