Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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