The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
