fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
