Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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