This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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