A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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