He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
