things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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