You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
