My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
