Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
